lilac blues

by jugnu

sometimes i feel that i am fading into oblivion—barely human in this body but then i am reminded of my breath. the very breath that leaves through much difficulty via my tteri nose. it places me back into my flesh; but what use is the flesh you cannot feel?

my amma is often sick with worry; i suppose this void is genetic. learn to live with it or drown in a sea of my own making. 

i like the water, though.

sometimes i feel that the world is a concoction of my raging imagination: i see it in shades of red and feel it in the blues. (i am my own subjectivity, so the world is how i see it but how does it see me?)

i was shaded in black for far too long but the red worries me slightly: i don’t like anger—it terrifies me, especially when i am the one holding onto it. 

so i hang onto the blue. it calms me and i am twelve again walking hand in hand into the ocean,  the waves carrying me as they please.

i find some comfort in this grasp.

i don’t like being left alone, hold me please.

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visual by Manal Ahmed.