LISTS

by Manal Ahmed

Melancholic moments in NYC 

● Trying out 8 different kinds of outfits at Uniqlo, being disappointed each time; the contours of my body too awkward, the bulge of my stomach too obvious, the thickness of my thighs too distracting. 

● French music playing in a french cafe; the voices too sweet, too sad. 

● Taking a nap in the French cafe, fearing that I am missing out on something monumental and radical, the city is too fast-paced. 

● Sitting on the toilet seat and falling into old thinking habits (how many cities will this follow me to?)

● Sitting on the subway, watching everything whir by, being whisked away. 

● The weird, coffee-induced urge that follows me around the world. 

● The fleeting thought of home, always so far away.

A summer in Karachi

● The disorientation that comes from moving between landscapes and timescapes

and dreamscapes (but look how familiar the night is)

● Anklet-wearing feet that sink into the sand by the beach (mine and Zainu’s and

Maria’s)

● The fights that we must fight when we’re all finally together in the same place (in

the car, on birthdays, on roofs) with the promise that we will all miss each other

just as fiercely as always when everyone is gone.

● Belting out Mr. Brightside on Aemah’s roof because it is the only song we know

all the lyrics to.

● The quiet, constant comfort of Laiba’s bed, Zainu’s kitchen, the gazebo in the

park.

● Banana bread that is not quite sweet enough.

● Wearing purple lipstick and dancing in gardens until we’re dizzy.

● Half-baked plans about meeting in other countries (Come to Turkey na, Manal.)

● Hilal park jogs with the trees singing around us.

● The unsettling feeling that things are simultaneously ending and beginning that

always comes with August.

● Fairy lights draped across rooms and roofs and the city.

● The very specific thrill of playing jenga, toes tense against the floor.

● Coffee ice cream at Kaybees that looks more pink than it should.

● Baarishein by Jimmy Khan playing on loop.

● Picking Subul up from my old school and having bhutta just for the nostalgia of it.

● The feeling that January is always a moment, a second too far.

Manal is an English Literature student at Clark University. She loves to make zines, bake chocolate-chip studded banana bread and write lists.

visual by ahad ali.